the january that never ended (wrap up)

I love Januaries. I love Januaries along with Mondays, mornings, the start of a slow Sunday, and other fresh beginnings. I don’t like New Year’s Eve and that celebration, but when I’m in January, I always enjoy it. The unknown looming ahead gives me a pit in my stomach, but the slowness, delicateness, openness of January is always pleasant.

This January is unlike any other January in the sense that I have a baby now, and therefore, I’m not firing through all the goals I unrealistically make for the year. For the last couple of years, I’ve made “soul goals” under different topics: finance, creativity, relationships, and more, which I find easier to chase over “resolutions”.

Between the small goals I’ve set myself for this year, and the clean slate of January, it’s been a pretty good month.

I’ll wrap up some things I’ve done, places I’ve been, things I’ve learned, books I’ve read, and more.

Journal Entry

The main theme of this month (like most months since having a baby) has been sleep. Baby L was sleeping terribly for six weeks, up until the end of December, so January has been all about catching up on sleep. Crawling into bed after he’s down, even just to lay horizontally for a few hours before falling asleep. Sleeping in until 8:30 with him. Napping together if that’s the only way to make it through the day. He’s still waking through the night, sometimes once, sometimes three times, but overall, I feel relatively well-rested, and that’s been nice after the two-hourly wakeups for most of December.

Baby sleep has been the most challenging part of being a new mum. The sleep deprivation still haunts me, even though I’m not sleep deprived anymore. The fear of ever going back to that place is real. When I do get a bad night’s sleep, I’m so anxious the entire day. My therapist said that’s muscle memory from being so sleep-deprived in the beginning. When I’m tired now, my body & mind just assumes that’s going to be me forever, even though I know logically, I’ll get rest that coming night.

It’s weird. On the topic of anxiety, too, I still feel like I’m battling anxious thoughts and symptoms a lot, but I’m getting better at it. Nausea and intrusive thoughts are kind of my main issue, but thankfully, it’s not something that affects me every day right now.

Another theme of this month has been returning to work! I took six months off, and I think that was the perfect length of time for me. It’s been so nice getting back to something that makes me feel like me (writing). Although it will be a big transition, I am fortunate to have a flexible working schedule and family nearby to watch L.

I was going to celebrate my final weekend off work with time away in Edinburgh to see my favourite musical, Waitress, but the musical got cancelled because of the ‘ol virus, so we will see it in April. I still went to Edinburgh, though, and had a fun time!

Overall, this was another learning curve of a month, and I feel that’ll be the way for the rest of my life since I’ve had a baby. And I’m ok with that!

Where I’ve Been

Edinburgh, as mentioned. Such a lovely city, even if my husband disagrees.

Spent a lot of time at home between false-positive lateral flow tests, cold days, and avoiding the possibility of Covid before going to Edinburgh. Plus, I’ve been really trying to get L to nap better, which means spending a lot of time at home to practice that (still not really working out…).

Books I’ve Read

You can follow my bookstagram for all the reading updates but to summarise:

Wish You Were Here by Jodi Picoult: 2.75 stars. It was interesting and topical, but overall, a big letdown. The plot twist was pretty terrible, and the pace was way too slow. The ending also felt super far-fetched.

My Life Had Stood a Loaded Gun by Emily Dickinson (poetry): 3 stars. Some really pretty poems, but most of them I did not understand!

If We Were Villains by ML Rio: 3.75 stars. A work of utter genius, beautiful writing, masterful and wonderful dialogue. The characters made some awful decisions, I wasn’t a big fan of the ending, and the pacing was slow for me.

And I’m currently reading It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover, which I hope to finish in the next couple of days!

Shows I’ve Watched

I’ve watched some terrible shows this month, but I also finished Maid, which is one of the absolute best programmes I’ve ever seen! It captures motherhood and the desperate love a mum has for her child so beautifully.

Then I watched A Teacher on Disney Plus, which was just so bad. Nothing good about it, to be honest.

I watched some of Bump on BBC iPlayer, but after the drama of the first episode, the other episodes were boring.

Now I’m watching the new Gossip Girl, which I am loving.

Things I’ve Been Loving

Other things I’ve been enjoying:

I watched Encanto with my friends, and while I wasn’t a huge fan of the plot, the music is amazing (thanks, Lin).
Rearranging my office. I had my desk in the middle of the room for a while, but with a baby about to start crawling, that had to go. It’s now against my wall, and I’m excited to make a little collage behind my PC.
Fake Christmas! I had a few fake Christmas’ with my family after they had COVID for real Christmas, so that was fun to be together, exchange gifts, and eat food.
Green People skincare. I ran out of my Green People skincare, and for a week, I had the worst breakouts ever. I’m back on it, and in 2 days, instant results.
I started making a macrame wall hanging, which is fun and kinda stressful.
More light in the evenings. It’s nice when it’s not dark at 3:30 in the afternoon.
Weekends because Ali is home and I can spend time with him and L, but also get some more time to myself.
Our dog is a lot more chill and calm around the baby.
I went shopping by myself for the first time since having L, and it was GREAT! I bought a lavender loungewear set that I’m excited to cosy up in pretty much every single day.
Edinburgh rhubarb and ginger gin.
Monopoly Deal.
Seeing friends that I haven’t seen in a while.
Chai lattes (I’ll probably write this monthly).
My short hair.
Oden’s Eye makeup.